... or more like using time ineffectively...
Procrastination, lately, has hit me. HARD. My Property and Casualty exam is in about 13 hours and I'm not even halfway through the online e-book. Not to mention the grammar makes it very difficult to read. I'm NOT using that as an excuse. Having the worst grammar and presented poor organization should be banned from educational books.
All I've been doing all week - instead of studying - is read manga, Facebook all day erry day, and procrastinate in general.
Luckily the internet couldn't be connected to my Studio XPS. I swear, the internet here SUCKS like none other. I won't even post the speed because it's so embarrassing. It's not even half a megabyte in download speed. That's download speed. Imagine upload speed...
If the internet's godly, I would be playing lots of MMOs, download lots of music, and torrent all day erry day.
So glad it's not. My procrastination would have been worse.
Not just that exam, but I also have the SAT to study. It's my only chance to get into a Cal State. My standards have fallen after a year of depression and winging my junior year.
But then, CSUF isn't all that bad (at least I keep telling myself that. Their business program beats UCLA).
I really want to have some bragging rights. Being raised in a household full of ambitious, arrogant people, I know I've become ambitious myself. I want to show that I'm not a failure as they think I am, and I want to succeed well-over them.
Everything is restricting me in this household: I am not allowed to have friends, not allowed to hang out with people, not allowed to cook, not allowed to play the piano. Although I am allowed to procrastinate on the computer. My bedtime is strictly at 9 PM because they do not want to waste electricity. Electricity = money, in this case.
I always find ways to break those rules though.
It's pretty sad. There are times when I have burning desires to study. Of course, during junior year, everyone who takes AP classes and desire to do well have their own unique sleeping schedule. Thinking about my junior is making me tear up. No one in this household understands the meaning of American high schooling -no, they chose not to understand it. They expect me to sleep at 9 PM every day with AP classes and homework. Yeah, it really sounds like they care about my health and all, but I'm practically their cash/benefits cow. Because I am a minor, a single child with a single parent, food stamps and many other benefits rake in to this household. Even $5 more to the electricity bill could not be spared for them, even my Dad and I pay about $1500 per month.
There are times when I attempted to study. Yes, I went outside, with the flashlight, and sat on the porch with books, papers, and pen. Often times I get caught and made to go inside and sleep.
If I knew this was going to happen, why would I take AP classes? I do not have a sibling whom guides me like my peers, slept at 9 anyway at past years, and I never opened my eyes to my surroundings and question people's true nature. I always kept up with honors classes with A's, finished most of my homework and always found time to play video games. Apparently, honors classes show no rigor compared to AP courses. Reason I chose honors is that they require less work, but more quality work - quality over quantity. AP courses are the same. Regular classes go by quantity over quality.
Except, AP classes require skill - a lot of skill. I've always had A's in all my English classes, and disillusioned from my past years for being a "good writer". AP Language and Composition attacked me, chewed me to pieces, and spat me out 100 ft. from the ground and into a lion's den. My AP score for English stabbed me in the heart right after I received it from the mail. I am indeed not fit for English.
I've been aspiring to attend a top-scale 4-year school only recently. I was never pressured by ANYONE to do well in school (except my mom, but she passed away when I was a wee-little 8-year-old). I never even knew about colleges until freshman year. Also, the SAT was new to me as well. Back then, I always thought my life would be like the movies - half-ass high school, get a job and go to school. I wish it was like that in reality. Colleges, SATs, honors and AP courses were all new to me, while my peers were greatly familiar with those subjects. I really envy them; they had a head start.
Everyone has the same opportunity, but different advantages. Looks like I'm going to succeed later on in life. Unfortunately, life is short. I can't enjoy those successful moments early. I really wish to, but I must face reality and know that is not going to happen.
Procrastination, lately, has hit me. HARD. My Property and Casualty exam is in about 13 hours and I'm not even halfway through the online e-book. Not to mention the grammar makes it very difficult to read. I'm NOT using that as an excuse. Having the worst grammar and presented poor organization should be banned from educational books.
All I've been doing all week - instead of studying - is read manga, Facebook all day erry day, and procrastinate in general.
Luckily the internet couldn't be connected to my Studio XPS. I swear, the internet here SUCKS like none other. I won't even post the speed because it's so embarrassing. It's not even half a megabyte in download speed. That's download speed. Imagine upload speed...
If the internet's godly, I would be playing lots of MMOs, download lots of music, and torrent all day erry day.
So glad it's not. My procrastination would have been worse.
Not just that exam, but I also have the SAT to study. It's my only chance to get into a Cal State. My standards have fallen after a year of depression and winging my junior year.
But then, CSUF isn't all that bad (at least I keep telling myself that. Their business program beats UCLA).
I really want to have some bragging rights. Being raised in a household full of ambitious, arrogant people, I know I've become ambitious myself. I want to show that I'm not a failure as they think I am, and I want to succeed well-over them.
Everything is restricting me in this household: I am not allowed to have friends, not allowed to hang out with people, not allowed to cook, not allowed to play the piano. Although I am allowed to procrastinate on the computer. My bedtime is strictly at 9 PM because they do not want to waste electricity. Electricity = money, in this case.
I always find ways to break those rules though.
It's pretty sad. There are times when I have burning desires to study. Of course, during junior year, everyone who takes AP classes and desire to do well have their own unique sleeping schedule. Thinking about my junior is making me tear up. No one in this household understands the meaning of American high schooling -no, they chose not to understand it. They expect me to sleep at 9 PM every day with AP classes and homework. Yeah, it really sounds like they care about my health and all, but I'm practically their cash/benefits cow. Because I am a minor, a single child with a single parent, food stamps and many other benefits rake in to this household. Even $5 more to the electricity bill could not be spared for them, even my Dad and I pay about $1500 per month.
There are times when I attempted to study. Yes, I went outside, with the flashlight, and sat on the porch with books, papers, and pen. Often times I get caught and made to go inside and sleep.
If I knew this was going to happen, why would I take AP classes? I do not have a sibling whom guides me like my peers, slept at 9 anyway at past years, and I never opened my eyes to my surroundings and question people's true nature. I always kept up with honors classes with A's, finished most of my homework and always found time to play video games. Apparently, honors classes show no rigor compared to AP courses. Reason I chose honors is that they require less work, but more quality work - quality over quantity. AP courses are the same. Regular classes go by quantity over quality.
Except, AP classes require skill - a lot of skill. I've always had A's in all my English classes, and disillusioned from my past years for being a "good writer". AP Language and Composition attacked me, chewed me to pieces, and spat me out 100 ft. from the ground and into a lion's den. My AP score for English stabbed me in the heart right after I received it from the mail. I am indeed not fit for English.
I've been aspiring to attend a top-scale 4-year school only recently. I was never pressured by ANYONE to do well in school (except my mom, but she passed away when I was a wee-little 8-year-old). I never even knew about colleges until freshman year. Also, the SAT was new to me as well. Back then, I always thought my life would be like the movies - half-ass high school, get a job and go to school. I wish it was like that in reality. Colleges, SATs, honors and AP courses were all new to me, while my peers were greatly familiar with those subjects. I really envy them; they had a head start.
Everyone has the same opportunity, but different advantages. Looks like I'm going to succeed later on in life. Unfortunately, life is short. I can't enjoy those successful moments early. I really wish to, but I must face reality and know that is not going to happen.
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